The Danger of Unhealthy Relationships Part 2

September 23, 2014

Teacher: Mark

The Danger of Unhealthy Relationships Part 2

Mark delivers the powerful conclusion of part 2 of Pastor Stan’s series about “the Danger of Unhealthy Relationships.” Continuing from Judges 16:15-31 we find ourselves at a showdown between the user Delilah and God’s chosen judge Samson.

A brief recap is that a lot of times, we find ourselves returning to these for these reasons:

·      Comfort/ familiarity

·      The idea that we need

·      The feeling that they need us

·      Time, past

·      Fear of life without that person

·      Security

Hence the question was raised last Tuesday? Did Samson really love Delilah?

Well the answer is: Samson must have loved lusting her.

Verse 4-5 shows that: in the love that Samson had for her, others such as the Philistines and Israelites took notice of it as well. People observe our own relationships with people on the daily basis and they themselves recognize if they are healthy and unhealthy relationships. In addition we as participators in the relationships send messages to people about our relationships whether we are doing it unconsciously or consciously. These messages are being sent to people, which is not always about what we say, but it can be about what we do or what we do not say.

            For example: we all have best friends, who are strictly best friends, but people may claim that that certain person is our boo or lover, according to what our action towards that person.

            Hence, the Philistines knew to check with Delilah about Samson because they knew he had eyes only for her.

Another point is that a user is not going to tell you their occupation. No introduction. No one goes into a relationship planning on being used, so ask yourself:

           

What message am’ I from this person by being in a relationship with them?

A lot of times people send messages that they do not intend on sending, thereby creating an unwanted image.

The message we received from Delilah in this situation is that she is a girl on mission. She is doing all this for money. The questions looming in her mind were: What does it take to make Samson weak? Not what can I do to make you better but what can I do to destroy you?

Verse 6-12 And the message Samson returned to Delilah throughout these verses is that he still loved her, because he continuously came back to Delilah, even though she continuously kept putting him in harms way. If Samson removed himself from the situation, then she never would have been able to cut his hair. However his love for lust caused him to go back again. The more time he spent with her the more he was deceiving himself.

The more time you invest in an unhealthy relationship, the stronger it becomes, and the less you will get in return.

Verse 15: Samson never questioned Delilah’s motives about his strength, and still entertained her by giving her these lies and refusing to turn them away. Users may justify as to why you love them with your actions, about why you may love or lust after them. Users also have a distorted sense of logic. Delilah was only concerned about her reputation and her wants and desires. She was making excuses as to why Samson did not tell her, and as to why he should tell her his secret.

In all aspects these unhealthy relationships can be with anybody friends, relatives, church members, neighbors. We must evaluate our relationships and identify if they are healthy. We must do it and cut them off before these users in our lives reach our heart, which is the most vulnerable part of us. In the beginning Delilah was in his head, asking questions in an upfront manner, but she did not get to the truth until she got to his heart.

The bible says,

Proverbs 4:23

            Above all else, guard your heart,
 for everything you do flows from it.

How much of your heart is in this relationship? Because now you need to see is how much have you invested your heart into it. Satan wants your heart, the essence of who you are, because he is after the core. We give the users the value of what we have given them. Satan’s mission is to get us to agree with him in our hearts, and surrender it to him, instead of to God.

Verse 17-18: Delilah betrays Samson.

Verse 17: “He told her all his heart….” Delilah was able to tell that Samson told her his whole heart. Samson identified himself unto God and showed who he served and by revealing these deep secrets and purpose and source of his power. To who and how he belonged to God. Satan wants to know how we are connected to God.

Because that means we opened up ourselves to a drastic change, we leaving ourselves vulnerable for the things that we value to be violated.

We will not compromise until we have a change of heart about it. Have you felt that separation with God, lesser connection?

 1 Corinthians 10:13

13 No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

God gives us ways to escape from these temptations, and so we need to make sure we do not completely cut off our relationship with God. Unhealthy relationships's goals are to cut off our healthy relationships with others and primarily with God.

Verse 18-19: This verse indicates Delilah was the tormenter. She initiated and inflicted the pain, for she was in a different place, she was in his heart and that was how she weakened him. When the heart is weak, so goes the mind, and so goes the body. Unhealthy relationships will make a show of your weaknesses and users will show how you have fallen and what they did. Users do not care, because they are looking for an audience.

Verse 29-31: in spite of what Samson has done, and the relationship he tarnished with God, he still wanted to please God. We need to rethink of restoring relationships that we created as being unhealthy, so that we can have healthy relationships with people who want us to be better. While Samson was physically blind he still saw God who was the one person who was still there.

When everyone else is mocking, persecuting, blaming, shaming you, then always remember that God is still there, because he always is. This is the number one relationship that must stay healthy.

Samson went down in glory because he focused and turned his heart back to God. The more time in your unhealthy relationships the longer time you give Satan to plan and destroy you. The unhealthy ones might contaminate our healthy friendships, so we need to be careful and cautious. And always remember:

God will restore what you may have broken.

Think about your unhealthy relationships in your life. Have you given all of your heart in this relationship?